Since I met him on Monday, I'm quite depressed.
Well, depressed and motivated at the same time.
Weird.
He's from a different city than mine.
I was born in here and I've never left my town expect for one year in England.
The speed of life in his city and the one of mine is quite different.
The atmosphere is more relaxed here.
Things go slower, people are somewhat naive though I live in a metropolitan city.
Anyway, what I feel from that day is that "I'm out of the circle" or "one step behind the line".
I don't really like competition.
I don't like going out with dozens of people at the same time.
I like staying home and focusing on my things.
I like to be in control of my life (which I can't managed to do easily at this moment).
So I was quite happy living here until now.
Well... all the big cities are similar.
Trop de gens, trop d'informations, trop de competitions.
He got what he wanted in that stressed situation, while I was staying naive and innocent.
I don't like to compare his life and mine continuously since it makes me sad and feel that I'm so small, moreover I've never done something like this before.
But it was quite shocking, so I'm still chewing it for 4 days.
I've never felt that I was small or I wasn't good at something compare to someone.
What I thought was "He's good at A while I'm good at B. We both are cool."
Now I'm making that my life was quite meaningless, I did very small job, I wasted my time, and thinking of all the bad consequences etc.
I know I should stop it.
I'm going to start yoga from tomorrow.
From next week, I'll go to Alliance again for a month.
I'd know more result from universities and that will make me busy and forget about that.
The speed will change, my goal will be set again.
Can't moaning in my room.
Well, depressed and motivated at the same time.
Weird.
He's from a different city than mine.
I was born in here and I've never left my town expect for one year in England.
The speed of life in his city and the one of mine is quite different.
The atmosphere is more relaxed here.
Things go slower, people are somewhat naive though I live in a metropolitan city.
Anyway, what I feel from that day is that "I'm out of the circle" or "one step behind the line".
I don't really like competition.
I don't like going out with dozens of people at the same time.
I like staying home and focusing on my things.
I like to be in control of my life (which I can't managed to do easily at this moment).
So I was quite happy living here until now.
Well... all the big cities are similar.
Trop de gens, trop d'informations, trop de competitions.
He got what he wanted in that stressed situation, while I was staying naive and innocent.
I don't like to compare his life and mine continuously since it makes me sad and feel that I'm so small, moreover I've never done something like this before.
But it was quite shocking, so I'm still chewing it for 4 days.
I've never felt that I was small or I wasn't good at something compare to someone.
What I thought was "He's good at A while I'm good at B. We both are cool."
Now I'm making that my life was quite meaningless, I did very small job, I wasted my time, and thinking of all the bad consequences etc.
I know I should stop it.
I'm going to start yoga from tomorrow.
From next week, I'll go to Alliance again for a month.
I'd know more result from universities and that will make me busy and forget about that.
The speed will change, my goal will be set again.
Can't moaning in my room.
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